I’m sure you’ve heard the term Sandwich Generation but here’s what it looks like from the inside. You’re somewhere in the middle of your life. Your kids are at an age where they’re starting to find their footing, maybe heading off to college, starting careers, building their own adult lives. And at the same time, your parents are getting older and needing a little more from you. You’re in the middle with your kids’ needs on one side, your own life in the middle, and your parents on the other side. The sandwich.
Sound familiar? You keep good company. In Canada, roughly 1 in 4 people over the age of 15 is caring for a family member or friend in some way. The peak years for that caregiving? Ages 45 to 64 — right in the thick of everything else. And statistically, the person most likely to be coordinating that care is a woman. Right in the middle and, I might add, of perimenopause or menopause at the same time. Because of course.
This is personal for me, because I am living this right now. I already said goodbye to my dad, who passed away in 2018. And since the end of November 2021, I have been watching the gradual decline of my mom, who is now living with me and my husband. I am not an observer – I am in it.
For those of you experiencing something similar, I hope you find this useful and honest. At times it may feel like you are alone but you are not. When the time comes whether that means selling a home, transitioning to a retirement community, or navigating long-term care I am here, living it alongside you, and may be able to offer a perspective that helps.
Tough Conversations
I want to sincerely encourage the importance of the conversation that needs to happen to learn and understand your parents’ wishes when it comes to their Power of Attorney. This can be a heavy conversation that people tend to avoid, which is understandable. It may feel like you are crossing an invisible boundary between parent and child, especially if you grew up in a generation where money was never discussed never talked about with the kids. My suggestion: broach the subject before the need arises. I am a big planner, and having the right things in place before you need them can make a difference.
I can speak to this from personal experience. My parents were completely opposite in their approach (Did I mention they were divorced, kind of makes sense). My dad was all about transparency because it wasn’t discussed with his dad and he wanted to make sure he didn’t put my brother and me through the same thing. He wanted me to know everything and, in all honesty, it made me uncomfortable at the time. My mom, on the other hand, didn’t want to share anything. Not her banking. Nothing about her house. Nothing. And then, right around the time I started to notice subtle shifts in her cognitive function she made changes to her Power of Attorney and Will without discussing it with us which has caused a few wrinkles for us.
The lesson I take from both of those experiences is the same: the conversation is better early, even when it’s awkward. Being direct is a great way to start and it does get easier with time and repetition, I promise.
Something to think about, more than 62% of Canadians with a parent over 65 have never discussed how their parent’s wish for their finances to be managed should they no longer be able to. That’s a good chunk, more
There Are Two Power of Attorney Documents
Power of Attorney for Property gives the named person(s) the legal authority to manage financial matters like banking, bill payments, property decisions if your parent becomes unable to do so themselves. It’s like having a custom insurance policy for your finances.
Power of Attorney for Personal Care gives the named person(s) the legal authority to make medical and personal care decisions on your parent’s behalf if they’re no longer able to communicate their own wishes. This document gives the ability to outline personal preferences about their care what they want, and what they don’t want. It’s less about giving up control and more about making sure their voice and choice is still honoured when they are no longer able to express it personally.
Both documents must be prepared and signed while a person still has mental capacity. That means a conversation with a lawyer long before it will ever be needed. It’s a couple of appointments and some legal paperwork that will, someday, matter a great deal.
Speak to the “Chosen Ones”
Having documents in place is step one. Step two, and this doesn’t always get the consideration it deserves, is making sure you speak to the people you want to take on these responsibilities and confirm they are willing and prepared to do so.
Once the Power of Attorney is set up, make sure the named person(s) know where the documents are kept, who the law firm and lawyer are, and what accounts, assets, or important contacts they would need to be aware of. These are not small details. They are the difference between stepping into that role with confidence or scrambling to piece things together under pressure.
I understand there can be hesitation when it comes to sharing financial information. Fraud is real, especially with vulnerable seniors, and privacy matters. Stated simply, if you are choosing someone to be responsible for your finances and your wellbeing, you need to trust them completely. If the trust is there, sharing important information shouldn’t be a barrier.
This can be as simple as a parent saying to a child: “I’ve taken care of this, here’s where things are, and here’s who knows what.” An organized handoff is one of the most loving things a family can do for each other.
I have a booklet I can share that helps families organize this information in one place. Reach out to me directly and I’ll get a copy to you.
Long-Term Care — It Can be a Long-Term Wait!
Getting into long-term care in Ontario is not a quick process.
In Oxford County specifically, where I live and work, I’ve recently been through the process of applying for long-term care for my mom. The wait in this area is anywhere from three to seven years. If you’re looking for a crisis placement, the wait might be six to twelve months.
Provincially, the picture isn’t much better. The waitlist has doubled in the past decade with almost 50,000 Ontarians on a waitlist for a long-term care bed. The senior population is growing faster than new beds are being added.
I’m sharing this because knowing gives you time to think ahead, have the conversations, and understand what options are available and, ideally decided upon, if or when the time comes. And it’s worth knowing that long-term care isn’t the only option on the table.
Blended retirement communities are worth looking into. These places offer independent living alongside higher levels of care, all within the same facility. That can make transitions much smoother. The financial piece is significant even a basic retirement facility is pricey, and planning ahead can give families more options.
If You’re the One Holding It All Together
If you’re the person in the middle right now managing your own home, keeping an eye on your kids, and steadily becoming the primary support for an aging parent, I just want to say it’s a lot. Each situation is as unique as the parent going through it. The emotional toll. The physical toll. The social toll. Most of us are doing it because it’s for our parents and we’re trying to do the right thing. It’s a heavy responsibility.
Statistically, if you’re a woman in your 40s or 50s, the odds are that you’re the one coordinating appointments, managing medications, navigating the system, and still somehow trying to show up for everything and everyone else in your life.
You don’t have to have it all figured out. A good start is to ensure the practical pieces are in place so that when harder days come, you’re not starting from zero.
And one last thing.
There is a practical real estate side of this too. What happens when a parent’s home needs to be sold? How do families navigate those decisions? How to make this process as smooth as possible? I am here to help should you wish to reach out. But the purpose of this is to let you know you are not alone. Please contact me directly if you wish to receive a copy of the booklet I have prepared called “Life, Organized. For clarity today, and peace of mind tomorrow.”
❖ Did You Know? ❖
A few numbers that put it all in perspective
💬 | 62% of Canadians with an aging parent have never had the money talk. More than half of adult children with a parent over 65 have not discussed how to manage their parent's financial affairs if they're no longer able to. Scotiabank / ComfortLife Caregiving Statistics 62% of Canadians with an aging parent have never had the money talk. More than half of adult children with a parent over 65 have not discussed how to manage their parent's financial affairs if they're no longer able to. Scotiabank / ComfortLife Caregiving Statistics |
🧠 | Two-thirds of Canadians living with dementia are women. Women are more likely to develop Alzheimer's and other forms of dementia — and twice as likely to die from them — largely due to longer life expectancy. Statistics Canada / Public Health Agency of Canada |
⏳ | Nearly 50,000 Ontarians are currently waiting for a long-term care bed. The waitlist has doubled in the past decade. Standard wait times run 150–300 days — and in high-demand areas, families can wait 2.5 to 4 years. Ontario Long-Term Care Association (OLTCA), 2025 |
💼 | Women carry the majority of caregiving responsibilities in Canada. 52% of caregivers are women, and they are more likely than men to handle the ongoing, scheduled tasks: personal care, coordinating appointments, managing medications. Statistics Canada, 2022 |
📉 | Ontario is falling behind on long-term care capacity — even as it builds. Even with new beds being added, the per-capita ratio is declining — dropping from 60 beds per 1,000 seniors (75+) in 2024–25 to a projected 56 by 2027–28. The senior population is simply growing faster than the supply. CBC / Ontario Financial Accountability Office, November 2025 |